Relationships are hard. Long distance relationships are even harder, at least in my opinion. I used to be the type of person that preferred some distance between myself and the person I was in a relationship with. My ex-fiance was a perfect example. He was in the military and stationed between Iraq and a few other places in the south. I had my space and when he was stateside he had his, but there were times when we shared each other’s space. It was perfect. Well until I found out he was a lying cheat and engaged to another woman at the same time. But that’s a different story.

The person that said that absence makes the heart grow fonder was lying. In my older years, I’ve gotten to the point where I need someone in my immediate area. There were times when I was fine with driving up to New Jersey or New York City for a date, or visiting the ex down south, but nowadays, if you’re more than an hour away, I consider that long distance and I’m pretty much not interested.

I don’t want to spend airfare for a relationship any more. I don’t want to schedule a date 2 weeks out, and then drive 3 hours to New Jersey for a weekend. Right now, I’m all about convenience. I want to be able to call someone after work, and see if they want to catch a movie or have dinner. You know, if I run out of gas (which I have on several occasions) I’d like to be able to call someone besides AAA. When you’re in a long distance relationship, you can’t do any of this. I’ve read a plethora of articles on how to make long distance relationships work. For example, Ask Men recommended doing things together, while apart and video chatting. Been there done that, got the t-shirt and Skype minutes.

Maybe I’m spoiled, by the convenience of having someone in the area and don’t really want to put forth any extra effort. Recently, there was one person that lived in Tennessee. He tried really hard to sell me on the fact that a long distance relationship could work. I applauded his effort, but had to explain to him my stance. He didn’t get it, until one day I invited him to an event and he couldn’t make it because it was too last-minute. The event was a month out. Point made.

Who knows, one day I may change my views on long distance relationships. But right now, even Northern Virginia is too far for me even though I live in Maryland.

Are you or have you ever been in a long distance relationship? What were the pros/cons?

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  • I’m in Maryland and NoVa is definitely too far away. Who wants to drive through DC all the time? No thanks. I like having a close-distance relationship.

  • Toni Childs

    If both individuals aren’t ready to “do what it takes.” it could turn into one person making more of an effort than the other. I believe it can work, but the man and the woman will need to be clear on the expectations, intentions and long term goals. Who wants a relationship, but not actively involved? That is not a relationship – it’s just a title and having someone to call,skype or text when you feel like it.

  • ILoveVolunteering

    I’m currently in a long distance relationship. And I mean LONG…he’s in FL and i’m in MT. I moved here a few months ago to do some official volunteering for a yr while he is working on his phd. I must say that it is important to have a plan for what happens at the end of your time being apart. We both plan on being in the same city after my year is over; i’ll be working on my Masters while he finishes his phd. Him being in school and me volunteering all day keeps us both busy so we don’t really have time to mope around. I used to be the person who detested long distance relationships. However, after meeting my current bf i’ve realized that if you really want someone in your life you must do whatever it takes to make that happen….even if it means being 2,411 miles apart and in a completely different time zone.

  • Longing

    I MISS MY BOYFRIEND SO MUCH! He’s out there in the MidWest, and I’m over here in the East Coast. Physical intimacy — hugs, eye contact, dancing cheek to cheek, holding hands, kissing, hands grazing accidentally on purpose while passing each other in the bedroom — is so important to me; it’s necessary to how I fully express myself to my loved one. I always feel like what I say to him is never enough to explain what I’m feeling at the moment that I call; it’s so frustrating. TOUCH is vital to me! I MISS YOU, SWEETIE. I’m seriously always on the verge of crying being here without you.

  • I’m pretty sure whomever came up with the quote wasn’t talking about LDRs. Distance can’t make the heart grow fonder if distance is all there ever is.

    Anywho, i’ve done the long-distance thing (as in different continent long distance) before and only on the condition that the distance was going to disappear in the near future. Once it became obvious that the distance wasn’t changing, it ended. It would take a lot to get me to do that kind of distance again.