“He who is without sin, throw the first stone.” We have heard this line from the Bible numerous times, and it basically means that we should not judge or criticize others unless we are perfect. No one is perfect, yet many still revel in throwing the first stone with harsh (sometimes down-right mean) words toward others. Why is that?

The answer is simple: people love to feel a level of superiority over others, and nitpick at the short-comings of others in order to distract themselves from their own issues. The best kind of criticism is constructive criticism because it is actually meant to help instead of kicking a person while they are down. Unfortunately, there is a large number of people who prefer to be mean for no other reason than to just be cruel. The same ones who would want to be forgiven or given a break when they mess up are the same ones who are quick to condemn their fellow-man.

It makes people feel good to be able to say, “I’m bad, but at least I’m not that bad.” The illusion of your better self is an intoxication similar to that of any regular narcotic. Drugs are used to distract yourself from any pain or problems you may be experiencing. Throwing stones at those who you deem to be worst off than you does the same thing.

The reality of the situation is that constantly pointing out and making fun of the flaws in others is merely a mirage. Once it is gone your demons will still be on front street. Sadly, we live in a society where people will always break others down in order to build themselves up. It’s easy to put on a facade in public, but when you’re alone there is nowhere to hide. No matter what you do to cover them up, your issues will always be there waiting for you to deal with them.

The next time you gear up to throw stones, ask yourself if you really have the right to.

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  • Downsouth Transplant

    I always ask myself: is it so important for me to hurt/harm do wrong to another persons spirit or to what does my throwing stones benefit me or them, or being perceived a fool in silence has not yet killed me and i let it slide, however note this only applies when i am making the conscious decisions, i have been mean to others in words & deed as an instinctive reaction without much contemplation on my part still working on that

  • Lisss

    I completely agree with this article. However, what i will add is that in this hyper-PC society we live in, any criticism is seen as judgment. Therefore nobody will grow because as soon as you point out their wrong or even state your opinion, you’re labeled as ‘hater’, ‘bigot’ etc… So the conversation gets shut down before it even started.

    • victoria

      I absolutely agree.

      I remember the scene in the movie PRECIOUS when Monique’s character was being confronted by the social worker and her daughter about her neglectful actions. Monique’s response, ”Don’t judge me!”

      The moment someone is asked to take responsibility for their actions; are told that their actions arent in their nor their child’s best interest; or are confront about their actions – many view this as being judgmental. And like you said, noone will learn and grow

    • THIS!

  • OSHH

    I agree with all the comments thus far. I am working on certain things with the LORD’s help within myself like Downsouth Transplant, examining myself for one and confessing my findinds to the LORD for two and trying to do better, ruling over yourself is a full time job by itself. I am not anyone’s judge but I will assess situations, behaviors and actions to determine if something is appropriate for me. I have been critical of folk I truly cared about trying to get them to see how their behaviors and actions have hurt folk and/or themselves, and to question how they living.
    When you speak out of conecrn for their well being and the well being of others, that is not judgement but rather it is love and it’s out of love that you say something. You see a freind slipping, a true friend will say something.

    • African Mami

      I always appreciate your comments OSHH, there’s always clarity…

  • OSHH

    and I appreciate yours, for the zany humor and or truth you speak as well :-)

  • is it any different than looking down on murderers,rapists and child molesters?i mean seriously, why do we have negative feelings towards them? since people are so quick to act like they don’t judge, do you support and feel happy for and “to each their own” people who do these things? this is what kills me about people who constantly babble about how not to judge other people. we ALL do it.

    #1 some things people ARE better than others for certain things (not murdering other people, not having HIV and knowingly spreading it to others,not having sex at the age of 10 and getting pregnant) it’s just the way the world works.

    #2 everybody will always have an opinion of something.. apparently having an opinion = judging.

    #3 judging can sometimes save our lives. you mean to tell me that you’re gonna not judge someone when you’re in a bank and they walk in with a ski mask?

    #4 people will do horrible horrible things and then turn around and say “only god can judge!” to kind of justify what they did but make sure to shame people who have something to say about their negative behavior…because they know they’re wrong!

    be careful when you say ” i don’t judge other people” because you do! i don’t care if people call me judgmental or a “bigot”. it has nothing to do with acting like you’re superior it’s called knowing better! if you know better than to do certain stupid things just like everybody else, yet they do it anyway how are YOU wrong but they’re not? don’t punish the person who threw their child in the dumpster… punish the person who said something about it and feels angry about it. what kind of twisted mess it that?

    • Kam

      Oh goodness thank you. I have a feeling this article is in response to the harsh words that single mothers get on here. I swear it’s like living in bizarro world sometimes. In my opinion we don’t have enough people judging. Seems like anything goes in the Black community and if you say something you’re accused of being stuck up or judgmental.