During the heat of the moment, when you and your partner are having sexy time, there’s bound to be some seductive talk happening. Unless you’re the type of people who prefer silent sex. But where’s the fun in that?  Although there are certain things people love to hear during sex, there are also those things that don’t go over too well.

Is it in? No man wants to know from a woman that he’s not exactly packing, even if they already know it. If you can’t tell if it’s in yet, just assume that it is. No need to throw blows to someone’s ego. Who knows, maybe it’s an issue with your vagina being too big. I remember hearing a joke on Family Guy, “Shes so loose, its like throwing a hotdog down a hallway!” Maybe that’s the actual problem.

My ex used to do it this way: (insert description here)

No one ever wants to hear how your ex used to do it. Whether your partner is a man or woman, reminiscing about ex-sex is quite rude, especially during the act.  Hell, even after the act or before. Keep it to yourself.  If there’s something your ex used to do, that you enjoy, be a little more tactful in bringing up. By tactful, I mean offer a suggestion and keep your ex’s name out of it.

Oh Michael, Michael… I mean Patrick… Shit.

I’d hope before people jump into bed with someone, they actually know their name. Slipping up on names doesn’t only happen on television. I remember a friend of mine calling me late one night because he accidentally called his “bedmate” by the wrong name, and she left him in the middle of the act. He wanted to know how to apologize.  Unfortunately all I could do was laugh and told him next time stick a “Hi My Name is___________” sticker on his chicks.

(phone rings) Hello? Oh nothing and you?

I’ve been guilty of answering the phone, but only because I knew the call was a family member and it could have been an emergency. Even the person realized this and was fine with me taking the call. But…..if it’s just your friend calling to see if you have weekend plans, it’s probably rude and inconsiderate if you stop mid thrust to answer.


You might as well ask, “Do you have change for this $50?” before you leave the $5 on the nightstand.


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