Ex'sI’m not accustomed to feeling sorry for celebrities. I grew up Los Angeles and there are other places to eat besides The Ivy. Other places to stay besides Chateau Marmont. Other places to shop besides Melrose, Rodeo and so on. The cat and mouse game of Popo Zao versus put-upon famous person is rarely as win or lose as it appears in the tabloids.

Take Kim Kardashian, a savvy grown ass woman who realizes exactly where her bread is buttered. And it ain’t anyplace without a flash bulb. The lady knows her multi-million-dollar empire was built on the small screen. Still I doubt news of her ex-boyfriend and co-star Ray J’s “Hit It First” “song” came as a welcome surprise. Like really, dude? Obsessed much?

For her part, Kim K has rightfully ignored Brandy’s little brother’s lyrical temper tantrum — and the resulting video featuring a bootleg Kim-a-like. But the whole sad affair got me to thinking about all the sorry clowns out there who could potentially throw a bitter wrench all up in my flow. I’m a writer who mines her life, so the karma is a coming.

One of the biggest and probably most valid criticisms I’ve gotten from formers is that I can be a bit callous, actually the words my last ex used were “cold-hearted bitch,” but you get the point. I have an on/off switch. Wrong me — and by “wrong” I mean annoy — and shit gets flipped. I can go from soft and cuddly to “And you are?” in less time it takes to switch your FB status, which I never do because why.

I thought this was a fatal flaw I’d never be able to shake until I met Ike and realized it wasn’t me, it was them.

Now I can only imagine what some of the wronged might be willing to say during a sit-down with Barbara Walters someday. Because, yes, I plan to be so hugely successful in the faraway future that accomplished TV journalist will track down those who knew me when.

After my book came out and while I was writing the first draft of a screenplay an ex spotted me at a party and pointed to a quiet corner.

“Ugh,” I remember thinking. “He wants to emote on me.” We’d broken up maybe three months before and I’d already been on twice as many dates.

“I wanted to ask you something,” he said as I put on my most put upon face.


“Are you? Or can you make sure not to? I mean are you going to write about anything that happened between us in your movie?”

I went sort of bug-eyed and blurted out, “Um? No. I’m not even thinking about you like that.”

Oh, my god, that was horrible thing to say! I immediately regretted it. Not because it wasn’t true but because it was so unnecessarily rude. It also probably confirmed every single shitty thing this dude thought of me. He muttered an “OK thanks” and shuffled away.

And least I look like a total jerk (I probably am) this dude was not always the nicest to me. Actually pretty often he was very far from nice, the furthest thing in fact. So when it was over, I was relieved. Elated, even.

So part of my gut reaction was sheer shock. Why would either of us want to rehash that foolishness? Isn’t forgetting a blessing?

The point is for some people holding on is a hobby — and for Ray J it’s a job (“I Hit It First” sold 41,000 copies its first week out).

Are there any skeletons in your closet who you don’t want to start flapping their jaws someday? And, honestly, what can you when and if they do? Just take the hit and keep it moving?



This post originally appeared on XOJane. Republished with permission. Click here for more Helena on XOJane!

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  • truth

    I get what everyone is saying and I agree under normal circumstances but when it comes to Kim and Ray J to me that’s kind of a different story ONLY because they BOTH willingly and knowingly CHOSE to have the tape released and profited off of it. Did she choose not to sign off on the release and a result get paid by it? No. That was her come up. She was able to make millions off of it as a result..I don’t see why Ray J shouldn’t either, even if it’s years after the release given that they both signed off on the tape’s release to be DISTRIBUTED for everyone’s (who’s interested)viewing I mean that was the Kardashians’ claim to fame. Under normal circumstances though, I would think it’s sad and pathetic but given Ray J and Kim’s history and choice to sign off the release of the tape..nope. No sympathy.

    • t

      they didn’t sign off on its release. which is why kim k sued vivid entertainment and won.

  • Marisa

    Luckily for me when my breakups happen dudes become straight GHOST even if we part on decent terms, that part of my life is over on to the next phase. Also I’m don’t have a facebook or twitter account, so of an ex wants to vent about me he can do whatever he wants, because I don’t have to hear it lol. Also my friends and family know better than to bring that oh girl guess what he said because unless its harmful to me professionally, otherwise I don’t give a damn what he has to say. Also as in this case of Brandy’s Brothers he will always be who I hold personally responsible for unleashing that doorknob and her family on to an unsuspecting public, I wish she would quit with the I had nothing to do with it, the tape was without my consent blah blah blah. Kim stop you got paid, negotiated with that porn company to keep a certain act that is most associated with R.Kelly doing on his tape out of the final cut. Both got paid for this stupidity Brandy’s Brother is mad that he didn’t become the household name like this chick did , that’s all its really about.

  • Gina Wild

    For Ray J it’s business nothing personal. He has the right to milk the ish out their situation.