Last week, on June 6, marked the 15th anniversary of Sex and the City, the iconic HBO series adapted from Candace Bushnell’s novel. And did we ever get “Carrie”d away”? With every episode, we became more enamored with the four leading ladies (and their boy toys) as they tackled sex and singlehood in the Concrete Jungle.
Today, things have changed vastly. We’re not wearing tutus or using flip phones (you’d better not be!), but some issues in relationships will remain the same. While watching SATC reruns on network television (it’s a ritual), I was reminded of a few lessons in love that I missed the first time around.
Sometimes, men won’t face you.
“I’m sorry. I can’t. Please don’t hate me.” Those words were written on a Post-It by Jack Berger, Carrie’s worst boyfriend ever. He’d left it stuck to her kitchen table as an exit strategy. As I watched the girls pick the Post-It apart over lunch, it reminded me that you won’t always get the clear cut answers you think you deserve from the men (or anyone else) in your life. Maybe they’re scared, cowardly or just confused, but no how matter unfathomable it may seem, it does happen…sometimes. And that man, you don’t really want anyway.
Real love remains.
Ah, Carrie and Big. The good girl and the bad guy (she said it, not me). Through his move from New York and heart disease, her failed relationships and slip-ups, they managed to make it back to each other—for good. While SATC is a fictitious sitcom and we know that many stories don’t come with that cliché happy ending, if you’re willing to work through issues and commit to each other, you can still be around for the love if it never really died.
It’s okay to date outside of your comfort zone.
When Miss Priss, Charlotte finally decided to split from her husband, Trey, she had no idea she would be repulsed, yet extremely attracted to her divorce lawyer, Harry. Trey was everything she thought she wanted: well-off, highly successful and handsome, but along with those checked off items came an overbearing mother-in-law and the realization that her Dream Man wasn’t a good match after all. Harry didn’t have a great body, was hairy and yet, they married had two children. Maybe opposites do attract.
Insecurity ruins relationships.
Again, Jack Berger is the culprit. A writer with a sucky novel, he couldn’t cope with Carrie’s overwhelming success as author and socialite. As a result, he left her hanging on one of the most important nights of her career. Carrie wanted to work it out, their relationship came to a demise anyway (You know what happened. Le sigh), and there was nothing she could do to revive it or his ego. You’ll often hear that self-work is mandatory before diving into a relationship, but it should also be an ongoing process. Berger was fairly content in his own life until he met a woman with a vibrant life-calling, complete with Vogue covers and red carpets. How you deal with an insecurity flare-up can affect your relationships for better or worse.
You will meet your match.
Ever sexually free and allergic to commitment, Samantha Jones spent the majority of the show loving them and leaving them—until she met Richard Wright. He was even more powerful than her in his profession, showered her with gifts and challenged her insatiable sexual appetite. Samantha had finally given in to love and a relationship, only to be hit over the head with Richard’s lies and infidelity. She hadn’t experienced that before. For those who pride themselves on having the upper hand in dating and relationships, there’s always someone who can top your act. That’s life.
You’ll have to give up control
Miranda was addicted to her job, her apartment in Manhattan. Her on and off boyfriend/husband and son’s father, Steve wasn’t a fellow paper pusher, but a bartender, instead, who forced her to understand that she can’t control everything, from the clothes he wore to when she would give in to her feelings from him and even where she lived. Things won’t go your way in relationships all of the time. You’ll have to give to get.
You should be with someone who’s going to take care of you.
Yesterday, I came across a SomeeCards post that read, “You shouldn’t be sleeping with someone you can’t call in case of emergency.” That fits perfectly with Samantha’s bout with breast cancer. She was known for her beauty and sex appeal, but eventually lost her hair during chemotherapy. Her hot model boyfriend Jarrod Smith, celebrated for his locks, shaved his head in support of her. Whether it’s broken down car, a death in the family, illness or even a terrible day at work, we all need someone to come see about us.