After ditching Matt Lauer at the last minute last week, Paula Deen finally decided to show up and appear on The Today Show. And she with huge crocodile tears.

When Lauer asked if whether she was a racist, Deen replied simply, “No.” Then she added, “I believe that … every one of God’s creatures was created equal. I believe that everyone should be treated equal, that’s the way I was raised and that’s the way I live my life”

And every black creature should be referred to by the “n” word. She forgot to add that minute detail.

Deen also went on to say that she would have never fired herself. “Would I have fired me? Knowing me? No,” she said. “I am so very thankful for the partners I have who believe in me.”

As far as being fired, so far Deen has been dropped from The Food Network, Smithfield Foods and QVC, Sears and Target were all reevaluating their relationship with the “n” word loving cook.

But just like every white user of the “n” word, Deen tried to use the “well black people use it too” defense.

Matt asked Deen, “Do you have any doubt in your mind that African-Americans are offended by the N-word?” Her response? Classic black people scapegoating. “I don’t know, Matt. I have asked myself that so many times, because it’s very distressing for me to go into my kitchens and I hear what these young people are calling each other. It’s very very distressing.”

Bullshit, Deen. Pure bull.

In closing Deen had these words to say, “If there’s anyone out there that has never said something that they wish they could take back, if you’re out there, please pick up that stone and throw it so hard at my head that it kills me, please I want to meet you,” she said. “I is what I is and I’m not changing.”

She may not want people to take her up on that offer.

“There’s someone evil out there that saw what I had worked for, and they wanted it.” Oh, she’s trying to be sabotaged, y’all.

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