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A Macon, Georgia pastor committed suicide last Sunday, as his family waited for him to arrive at church. Rev. Teddy Parker Jr., 42, of Bibb Mount Zion Baptist Church in Macon, Ga, and father of two, was discovered by his wife in the driveway of their Warner Robins house from an apparent gun shot wound.

In an interview with the Christian Post (CP), Russell Rowland said the pastor sent his family to church before him but when he didn’t show up, people went looking for him.

Family members and parishioners say there were no signs that the pastor was going through things, but the CP  found a sermon from the pastor that says otherwise:

In a sermon posted on YouTube titled “Facing Your Storm With Confidence” Parker bared his struggles with his faith walk:

“You know a lot of times, we feel like when we are going through stuff and it’s a lot that there’s nobody there with us. And guess what? God intends for you to feel that way. I know y’all been saved a long time. I know you super spiritual and you know you real holy but there are times in your life, not y’all but me. There are times in my life when I’m going through some stuff where I can’t feel God there,” he confessed.

“I try to pray but I don’t feel like God is hearing me. I try to serve but I don’t feel like God is using me. And there are times in your life when God purposely withdraws from you, he doesn’t withdraw for the sake of leaving you but he withdraws so you can grow and mature,” he added, in a show of encouragement.

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