For many people this is the start of “The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”.
For me, it’s not.
I’ve never liked the holidays, even as a kid. I was probably the only kid that wasn’t excited about sitting at the kiddie table eating turkey and dressing. Or even unwrapping Christmas gifts. As a matter of fact, I always requested to go shopping for my own gifts, I hated surprises. Even in my teen and adult years, most of my friends came to realize that saying “Happy Thanksgiving” or “Merry Christmas” to me was pretty much unnecessary. I typically put on the happy holiday facade because of my own child, nieces and nephews.
But this year is going to be harder than usual, because depression sucks.
I’m quiet sure I’ve been depressed for most of the year. From losing a dream job, to now trying to make ends meet while looking for a job, this has pretty much been the worst year ever. The “it’ll get better” or “you’re resilient” advice that I receive from friends is not welcomed at all. Personally, those are the last words I want to hear. And those are never words of advice I give to others. I’ve learned when people are depressed and you know what’s driving their depression, solutions and help is best suited. But not everyone can offer that.
Sitting on my nightstand is a new plastic bottle of pills. I’ve contemplated off and on this week on taking them. But I think just to get through this holiday season, they’ll be a welcomed addition to my daily regimen. This year I could careless about a turkey or Christmas gifts. But I will pop my pill and put on a happy face because no one likes a Scrooge. I will also make sure to keep a pair of ear plugs handy because god only knows how many times I’ll hear Mariah Carey belt out, “All I want for Christmas is youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu”. I fucking hate that song. Maybe this pill will help with that also. But probably not.