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Welcome to “Let Me Ask You a Question,” Clutch’s new weekly series dedicated to exploring the multifaceted experiences of Black girl life in a fun, irreverent way.

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So let me ask you a question: have you ever had anal sex?

I remember sitting around the table during one of my brunch outings with my girlfriends and the subject of anal sex came up. That’s when all of the awkward silence in the world became loud as hell.

Being one that’s known to never bite her tongue, I broke the silence with a resounding “hell yeah”.

Insert a whole stadium full of side-eyes.

“Girl, so you’re really on your white girl shit, aren’t you?,” one friend asked.

As I rolled my eyes, and tried not to get offended at the comment, I felt like the odd man out.  Never-mind the fact that our white girlfriend was all “Oh hell no, I don’t do that shit”. Busting down stereotypes at my expense.

So yes, I’ve partaken in anal sex, and I liked it.  But don’t get me wrong, it’s not something for the faint of heart, casual relationships type, or those with low pain thresholds.  PROTECTED anal sex is something I’ve only done in the parameters of a serious relationship.  No one is out there busting it wide open for anyone. Eww. Gross. Diseases.

I remember the first time the subject came up. A boyfriend, at the time, approached the subject casually while we were watching a porno together, and he was like, “You ever do that?”

I looked at him like he had lost his mind.

“Dude, your donkey peen isn’t coming anywhere near my rear end”.

And that put a quick end to the subject. He never asked again.

It wasn’t until I was in my early 30’s that I finally embarked on exploring the idea of actually giving it a try.  About 6 months into a relationship, in the heat of the moment, my boyfriend slipped a finger, well, you know where.

“Oh, that feels interesting,” I thought to myself.   And that’s all it took to have me intrigued.

A few days later I brought up the idea to him, and he looked at me and said, “I didn’t know black women were into that sort of thing?”  I was further shocked to find out that he never had anal sex either.  I told him I had no plans on jumping right into it, and that if it was something we were seriously considering, we’d have to work our way up to it. One finger, two fingers, three fingers style.

So we practiced for weeks, until that one night when I gave him permission. We made sure to have the lube and condoms ready (remember unprotected anal sex is a no no just like unprotected vagina sex).  Lots of lube.   I’ll always appreciate the fact that he took it slow and didn’t attempt to coerce me into doing it.  From that point on, anal wasn’t something we did often, it was always considered a “special treat” for the both of us.  Christmas anal, Valentine’s Day anal, birthday anal, that sort of thing.

A few months ago, that ex and I had an email exchange and I brought up that experience. We both laughed and joked about the “black women don’t do that” phenomenon, especially since every black woman he’s been in a relationship with, since ours, were always the one to initiate it.

Clutchettes, what are you opinions on anal sex?

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  • Overlysensored

    the reason black woman let men surf through that hershey hwy is cause they have too. There are two million more black women than black men. There are almost one million black men in prison at any one time. Many learn they love anal sex there. A slightly higher percent of black men are gay when compared with white, hispanic, and asian which also has to do with incarceration. Now if there is a good lookin’ brotha with his shit together, a good job and is willing to pay his way and raise his own kids he will have no trouble finding a black woman to let him phuck that ass anytime he wants. Hell she would take a greased fist in the ass if he promised not to leave. Black man like us are like a unicorn.