At one point in my life just the idea of going out on a date would send panic through my body.

I dreaded them.

With a passion.

The idea of actually sitting through a dinner with someone and the possibility of not having anything to talk about or in common was not something I looked forward to.

But that was until I had the worst date ever.

A couple of years ago I met someone from OkCupid and it was pretty much the best worst date of my life. How could something so bad be so good, you ask? Well to put it lightly, this date in particular provided me with so much fodder that it is still talked about amongst my friends today.

So here’s the abridged version.

Guy meets girl online. Guy sets up date with girl. Guy is late for date with girl. Girl sits patiently for 30 minutes. Guy walks in looking like a homeless person. Guys sits down and smells like a homeless person.

Girl asks, “Dude, what is that smell?”
Guy responds, “I don’t have access to a shower that often”.

Yes, ladies. He was homeless. He used the library to access the internet. Where he browsed OkCupid from.

So I didn’t want to be rude and shit, so I sat there. Half dumbfounded. The other half trying not to act like he smells that bad.

We talked about his homeless situation. Basically, shit happens. Job was lost, which set up a string of unfortunate events.

After an hour of conversation, the guy excuses himself to the bathroom.

A few minutes go by and I’m sitting there and all I can do is laugh. This dude apparently left. He ate and ditched.

My waiter came and asked what happened to my guest and I explained he was homeless. The waiter looked at me as if I was the crazy one and then all he could do was laugh.

Going out on a date with a homeless man broke me out of my dating hate shell. Now I actually look forward to every date I have an opportunity to go on.

Some of my friends say I date a lot and wonder how do I keep up with all of them. It’s pretty easy actually. There are those memorable ones that end up being great stories and friendships. Those are the ones worth keeping up with.

Sure, not every date turns into some sort of romance and I’m perfectly fine with that. But there are those dates that will always make for great fodder and ice breakers on other dates.

Clutchettes, what’s your best worst date story?

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  • BeanBean

    My best worst date actually happened this weekend. My friend set me up with a white guy, which isn’t out of the ordinary for me. I met the guy at a casual outdoor restaurant. This guy showed up wearing kinte cloth pants and a Pan-African shirt. From that moment on I knew this date wasn’t going to go well. He spent the first 40 minutes trying to guess what tribe my ancestors originated from and speaking Swahili. He told me his favorite tribe was Wolof and that I was the epitome of Africa beauty. He was a nice guy, but he clearly had a case of ‘white self hate’ and was overcompensating by immersing himself in African culture. This date was weird as hell, and I yelled at my friend when I got home! But he did pay for the dinner though lol.

    • ETC

      BeanBean, your best worst date has me in stitches over here! I knew a white guy who would always go on and on about how we are all “really” black and that we should all just come together and procreate. At times, he would say that he was an African man in a white man’s body. The kinte cloth pants though?! Epic fail. LOL

  • cosmicsistren

    @Beanbean – please tell me he did not wear kinte cloth pants? That can’t be true!!….lol…smh

    • BeanBean

      Yes he did! Kinte cloth pants, tight pants too lol! As weird as he was, he was actually a gentlemen lol. He was a nice guy, just not type of guy for me.

  • Best worst date ever was when I was living in Philly a year ago- I met a guy while I was walking my dog. I normally don’t hand out my number to random men on the street, but this particular situation I made an exception because he stopped to talk to me respectfully (none of that hey shawty or jawn nonesense), and we carried on a solid conversation for 30 minutes. In that time I thought I had gathered enough of the necessary information: employed, single, had his own place, articulate etc…

    We talk on the phone and text for two weeks and all seemed copacetic… Then we went on our first and last date.

    He picked me up and we went to dinner and it was all downhill from there. I love tattoos and have several discreet ones of my own- as did he…the names of his 3 ex girlfriends tatted on his arm…WTH?! He proceeded to tell me he wanted a 4th tattoo of a man giving women cunnilingus and showed me the drawing he made of it… because he thinks the act is sensual…WHAT?!? Come to find out the last two women tatted on his arm were the mother’s of his 2 newborn daughters… I knew he had a son from a previous relationship. No worries I can roll with that- he had his son in his early 20 and was now in his mid- thirties…but ghetto twins NO SIR…

    At this point I just know BET decided tp bring back HELL DATE and the camera would pop up any minute. But no…. it got unbelievably worse. Apparently, he used to be a drug dealer and has a police record under an alias…BLANK STARE…

    After all that he had the nerve to ask what I thought of him… wanting to get home safely I stated that I was processing everything and had no real opinion. In which he felt the need to deliver his opinion of me which was: I am a kind woman and book smart, but that I can probably be a real B!TCH and that I lack commen sense. Well, I had enough sense NEVER to talk to him again…

  • SE

    Girl thank God you saw all of that early on. I don’t have a best worst first date per say. They tended to show their asses later on.

  • ETC

    There are so many of these stories! The best worst story would have to from a few months back. I went on a date with this Nigerian guy. Everything was going well until he started telling me about his plans to get politically involved in his country (which I thought was great). He said that the leaders in his country have evil powers and do witchcraft to stay in power. Then he looked at my like I was the crazy one for not believing it. He proceeds to tell me that he is going to go to a voodoo doctor to get some protection for himself. *Side eye* He did pay for dinner though lol

    However, the most memorable date I have had was with a girl. She was a friend of mine and we didn’t think of each other in that way. However, we were both single at one point a few years back so we decided to go on a date. We had the best discussions, laughs and the best wine! Needless to say, we shared a great kiss at the end of the night ;)

    Here’s to hoping we all get to go on fabulous dates soon, ladies!