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It’s becoming uncomfortable as hell watching Kandi Burruss’ mom, Mama Joyce, go above and beyond to cockblock her daughter’s happiness on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. She’s like a terrible Tyler Perry stage play character come to life. The sort of woman, who by act three, Madea might’ve threatened to pistol whip before ultimately helping her see the error of her ways by way of an over-sung gospel track and/or plate of grits.

Though Mama Joyce swears she’s doing all of this to look out for her daughter, you get the sense that her real grip is that she worries Kandi’s fiancé, Todd Tucker, is going to marry her baby girl and cut her off – specifically when it comes to the dollar, dollar bills, y’all. I don’t want to disrespect my elders, but if I were Kandi, Mama Joyce would’ve been respectfully checked by now. Better yet, had I saw my mama try my intended boothang for life like that on national television, I would’ve sent her brochures for all of the area retirement homes. You know, the old school, USPS version of a subtweet.

On her Bravo blog, Kandi writes: “I know she can be a little tough, but I believe she really does want the best for me even if I don’t like the way she goes about it. I’ve told her a million times that I’m not getting married without a pre-nup. Todd and I already agreed that we were doing one, but I don’t know why she feels like she has to be the one he negotiates it with.”

Maybe she needs another reminder in the form of read. Just playing. That’s a Black family from the South. You come for a Black mama like that and you end up getting married in heaven after being choked to death with an extension chord. Still, someone’s got to talk to this woman because it’s not just Todd that’s “tired of the drama” with you mama. Hell, I don’t know any of y’all and I’m tired of it, too.

Like, Kandi, sis, your mama is trying to fight with your homegirls on national TV. You don’t think she needs a come to Jesus before you I send you to Shady Pines moment? Mama Joyce is now a part of the sister circle of overbearing, reality TV show mamas like Mama Jones, Momma Dee, and Frankie. I don’t know why these folks don’t stand up to their parents when they’re well into adulthood, but I do know one thing: Beyoncé would never. Ask her former manager, Mathew Knowles.

Since Mama Joyce likes to quote songs, I’d like to invite her to turn down 76 notches and heed this Kanye West line: “Hater n***s marry hater b****s and have hater kids.” You have to break the cycle, Mama Joyce.

And Kandi, you’ve got to stand up to your mama now or else you’ll end up singing “Softest Place On Earth” to a bunch of your Bedroom Kandi products.

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Michael Arceneaux is from the land of Beyoncé, but now lives in the city of Master Splinters. Follow him at @youngsinick.

 

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