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At least once a week I notice someone taking their Facebook status from “single” to “in a relationship” or from “single” to engaged”.  Then there’s always the “it’s complicated” people.  I’ll never for the life understand that one.

Personally, I never bother changing my status online, because it seems too much like a call for attention.

“Hey look at me! I’m not single. Nah nah nah boo boo”.

or

“I’se married now! I’se married!”. Word to The Color Purple.

But in real life, offline, when you’re dating someone going from single to slapping a label on a relationship is a little bit more complicated than a click of a button.

I remember one relationship I was in and we had the “big talk”.

We were casually dating for a about 2 months, and he brought up the subject of  officially being boyfriend and girlfriend.  I remember it clear as day. We were sitting outside having lunch and he basically just said, “Hey, what do you think about being boyfriend and girlfriend?”  As I stuffed a forkful of caesar salad into my mouth, I said, “Sure, ok”.

Oh well, as simple as that was, unfortunately about 3 months later I received the dreaded, “Hey, I don’t want to be boyfriend and girlfriend, no ‘mo” phone call.  Yes, a phone call.  No outside lunch this time.

Sometimes I wonder if we would have kept our “non-title” relationship, would things have fared out better for us. But I guess I’ll never know.

Having the title of a boyfriend or girlfriend are important to some people.  There’s always the prep questions of “what are we?”  And yes, that was a question I asked my ex a few weeks before he popped the “wanna be my girlfriend?” question.  Plenty of people have situations where they’re in the “grey” area of relationships. There’s no title, but you’re spending time with someone consistently, you may be physically intimate.  But sometimes the question of “what are we?” may send people running in a different direction.

You can’t force a title onto someone, but when is a title appropriate or when is the right time to bring up the “what are we” question? 

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  • Nae

    To the girl/guy reading all of these comments and who may be in a similar situation: take them all with a grain of salt. Just because you read an article or read a comment that makes alot of sense and may be completely true, that doesnt mean that you have to now run your “situation” based off of what you read online. Not saying that you should be ok with being in limbo, but there are some couples that are comfortable in that limbo stage. To them, it may not even be “limbo”, they could very well be in an established relationship w/o the title. As the saying goes, “what’s understood doesnt need to be explained.” While titles help to clear things up, if you have a significant other that is acting like your full on significant other and you both practice 100% exclusivity, then obviously you guys are exclusive. So what you dont have a title, what for? Actions speak louder than words.

    But if you truly want more or want clarification or really want that title, then by all means seek it. But dont seek it because you think you are supposed to, seek it because it’s what you want. But also, don’t psych yourself out. If you KNOW you all are in a FWB relationship, don’t read this article and then run yourself crazy trying to figure out why he hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend and get angry at him for not stepping up. You knew what it was from the beginning, don’t get amnesia halfway through the game.

    What is meant to be will be.

  • Traphena

    At 2 months you’re still a stranger; hence why he broke it off in 3 months which in total is 5 months. I give it around 6 months before deciding to be in a relationship with someone.