Will my hair cooperate today? How many hours will I waste this week watching random YouTube videos? Is Beyoncé drinking watermelon right now? The answers to these questions vary, but there are certain things in life I know as sure as I know my name. Here’s a smidgen of my fa sho knowledge of the universe:
1. Pistachios naturally contain a small amount of crack. Obviously.
2. House of Cards is better than 90% of the shows on traditional networks.
3. Unrequited like stings worse than unrequited love.
4. Toni Morrison is a literary genius.
5. If your phone’s auto-correct recognizes the word “dickmatized,” you are doing something right in life.
6. Mean people are actually sad people. Always.
7. I am a black woman. On no day can I “take off” either identity and on no day will I choose to champion for equality of one of those traits at the expense of the other.
8. Violent, shallow reality TV shows rot your brain cells.
9. Drake is pretty funny.
10. Flawless looks like this.