I’m a huge fan of Paul Carrick Brunson. He’s a smart guy (with a beautiful family) who is pretty darn good at his job as a matchmaker (co-signed by Oprah) and gives awesome advice. So, whenever he pops in my Facebook or Twitter feeds, I make sure to take a look at what he’s sharing.

But somehow, I missed this spot-on post he made at the start of the new year entitled “20 Things I’ve Learned After 5 Years of Being a Professional Matchmaker.” When I tell you that I sopped up every word with a  biscuit, I tell no lies. Go check it out for yourself, but my favorite tidbit is #16.

 “16) Your belief in the availability of ‘good’ men/women is exactly your reality

I find it fascinating when a female client will call me up and say “Paul, New York City is the WORST city in the world for dating, I don’t believe there are any “good” men, and I can’t find any.” Then, I’ll hear this “Paul, New York City is one the greatest in the world for dating, I believe there are good men, I date them all the time (but haven’t found the right one for me).”  Bottom line is that your belief is your reality.”

Say it again, Paul! They ain’t hear you though. That’s not some psycho babble about mind over matter. I do think that truly believing that there are “no good men” out there, makes it very hard recognizing a good dude when one appears. I hear women all the time lament about dating in New York, Atlanta, LA, Detroit, DC, Chicago, etc. Every city is the “worst city” for dating. Seems like attitude and outlook definitely have an impact.

I’ll leave relationship advice to the experts. I’m certainly not an expert, but I don’t mind sharing my own experiences from time to time and for me, I’ve had fun dating in New York. Is it always a basket of puppies and rainbows? Nope. But overall, I’ve met some really good guys and had lots of fun and tried new things. So, I’m rocking with Paul heavy on #16.

Follow Demetria Irwin on Twitter at @Love_Is_Dope and connect with her on Facebook.


What’s the best piece of relationship or dating advice, you’ve ever been given?

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  • I saw this on another blog I read often: don’t have sex with a man until 1. you trust him, 2. you know you won’t regret it, and 3. you’re ready.

    My advice to myself is to stop emphasizing the potential of what could be and give the NOW some tough love, even if it means ending the relationship. (Too many times I stuck around with guys thinking things would get better, but they never did.)

  • MrsTony

    Listen to nothing he says, watch only how he acts. The actions reveal the man.

    • Faith

      I have heard that saying as well and stick by it. Actions reveal his true intent. I think Maya Angelou also has said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”…the first time! I have learned not to make excuses for guys or rationalize their questionable actions.

  • 9boots

    Just because a man wants to have sex with you, does not mean he will marry you, that he loves you, or that he even likes you.

    “Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” Jesus Christ. Matthew 7:6 (NASB)

  • The best advice is you can’t control when, where, why, or how love happens. No matter how many books, 10 step systems, The Rules, Think Like A Man, etc. It will happen when it happens. Messed up, flawed up people marry all the time. Ususally it’s the ones who feel like they need to be fixed who don’t need fixing. You are fine the way Chill. There is nothing wrong with being single either.

  • jess

    my grandma use to say: if a man has a hole in his trousers, put a bigger hole in it. I use to think what is she babbling about, but looking back on my 1st relationship, i was 19 then and he was 26, I saved up from my little minimum wage job to buy him this designer hoodie he wanted only to find out weeks later he was already in a long term relationship. Yes grandma knows best.