Open Thread: How Do You Stay Sane While Dating?I’m one of the most open-minded, come-as-you-are, equal opportunity, cautiously optimistic daters I know. So, when a guy told me a little while ago that I was “too hard on a brotha” I couldn’t do anything but laugh.  After all, his comment came right after he failed to show up to an event I had invited him to and to which he had agreed to come and meet me. He offered a non-apology via text at the end of the event and asked to meet with me after said event. I declined that oh so generous offer. He in turn told me I was “hard on a brotha.” Oh.

It really is laughable. If that had happened in my younger days, that comment might have made me re-evaluate and give him another shot. But now? Nah. I’m older and experienced now and if I know for sure that any man I decide to spend time with must be a man of his word. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you drop the ball, admit it, apologize and make amends. These days when I see red flags, I take heed. There are so many people and opportunities out there, no need to waste time on an iffy man.  Because I’m so comfortable with my standards, I can say “no” with confidence and not think twice about it.

So, that’s how I stay grounded. I’m not anxious. I’m not worried. I’m not bitter. I’m just out here enjoying myself and choosing to spend my time with quality people who I think can enrich my life—whether that be with travel, good conversation, great sex or maybe even a lifetime of laughter.

But it is quite easy to start questioning yourself when you get advice and sayings and ridiculous rules from friends, family and self-proclaimed relationship gurus. To all the single folks out there, how do you stay sane in these dating streets?

Follow Demetria Irwin on Twitter at @Love_Is_Dope and connect with her on Facebook.

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  • Missy LL

    What I have learned is “You train people how to treat you” what I think the dilemma comes in is sticking to this because we feel we don’t want to “miss out ” on something good because we were “difficult.” Having standards is not difficult and though a man may not like it he will respect it. Now that I am older my thought is the same because what do I have to lose by telling a man upfront what I want and what my expectations are. If he is the type of man I need in my life he will step up if not he will step off. Case in point I have a guy who would rather text than call. I would say in subtle ways I would prefer he call but got no real change. Finally I sent him a message and told him I am not the kind of girl that he just text but I am the woman that he can text but he needs to call also. I told him flat out I am worth the extra effort. That followed with an apology and a phone call. I let it be known to him that I know what I am looking for and if he wants a game then I understand and good bye but if he wants to get to know me seriously then to give me a call. We are going on our first date tomorrow. I think that it is just about tossing it to the wind and not caring so much about “missing out” because a great man who wants YOU will not allow that to happen!!