Valentines Day

We’re only days away from Valentine’s Day, and most likely you’re salivating for it, dreading it or don’t care about it at all for whatever reason. Beginning at midnight on Thursday, there will be a regurgitation of Show and Tell posts on social media that may make you smile or weep, including bouquets of fresh flowers delivered to jobs, couples’ kissy-face selfies, and memes that read, “I love me enough for the both of us,” “She said ‘Yes!’” and “Jesus is my boyfriend.”

If you’re one having a panic attack or trying unsuccessfully to snag a date by the 14th, contrary to what culture says about single, you, my dear, do have options. You don’t have to fall for the hype if you don’t want to. You will live to fight another day.

I’ve seen publications post stories promoting Valentine’s Day survival kits. Really?? Why do single women need a survival guide for Valentine’s Day? It’s a second-tier holiday, not Armageddon. It’s span over a month like the holiday season. It’s 24 measly hours, and if you fall asleep (likely from medicating yourself with wine or putting in extra hours at the office), it’s only about 17 hours. I don’t advise that, by the way.

The Valentine’s Day machine, which includes media, retailers and even family and friends, sends so many mixed messages, the holiday should come with talking points and instructions.

This is the ONE day to prove your love for your partner or maybe it’s just a day, not worthy of celebrating at all. If you don’t have some semblance of a man by then, you’ve failed at life. If you do have a man, but he doesn’t roll out the red carpet for you, he’s shitty. If you’re newly dating a guy, how far is too far to go on the “special” day? How much did you or he spend on gifts? Was it too much or too little? Le sigh. Cupid doesn’t play fair at all.

I suggest that you ax the coping skills and diversions completely. I am one of countless writers who has written a “how-to guide” for Valentine’s Day, and today, I wouldn’t take much of my own advice. Don’t do these things:

Do NOT go out with your other single girlfriends (if there are any) for “dinner.” Inevitably it’ll turn into a man-bashing pity party, and that’s just not a good look for anyone involved. The goal is to remain positive throughout the day, k?

Do not look at sappy love stories. You’ve seen “Love Jones,” “Love Actually” and “Pretty Woman” at least a million times, and though they’re classics, you don’t need to compare the characters’ endings with your endings, especially when you know you really don’t want you ex anymore anyway.

Ladies, here’s the long and short of it: toughen up and DEAL. When I say “deal,” I don’t mean drown in your feelings, but certainly don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. It’s a day, and it’ll pass just like any other if we’re lucky. If what does or doesn’t happen makes you feel less than, there are far more issues to be concerned with than not having a significant other around.

Dealing also doesn’t mean that you ignore Valentine’s Day either, and act as if it doesn’t exist (as if you really could). Tell the people who really love you that you love them back. So, you didn’t score a date in time for the “big day” or get a grand proposal that will go viral? That doesn’t require a survival kit, but time, work and patience.

Throw out your survival guides and live your life just like you would any other day. Hopefully, there’s some love in it somewhere anyway. Take inventory.


This post originally appeared on XOJane. Republished with permission.Click here more Alisha Tillery on XOJane!

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  • Deebo

    Yes, can y’all please stop freaking out about Valentine’s Day?

  • Denver

    These articles never take into consideration non-heterosexual relationships.

    • LemonNLime

      Seriously, she uses language like “significant other” or “partner”. What more do you want? It doesn’t get more neutral than that.

    • Denver

      “If you don’t have some semblance of a man by then, you’ve failed at life. If you do have a man, but he doesn’t roll out the red carpet for you, he’s shitty. If you’re newly dating a guy, how far is too far to go on the “special” day? How much did you or he spend on gifts? Was it too much or too little? Le sigh. Cupid doesn’t play fair at all.”

      “Inevitably it’ll turn into a man-bashing pity party”

  • Afrika

    Ehh, I get what the author is trying to accomplish, but the article still shows that indeed, Valentines Day get ppl all in their feelings. Shrugs

  • Kristi

    I don’t think it’s that big of a deal for single women who feel bad about being single to have “survival kits” or affirmations they recite to help the “deal” with being single on this day. Why is it so offensive to some of you?

    I mean, if you feel totally comfortable in your own skin being single on Valentine’s Day, great. But some people may not. Some people may need girls night out with their other single girlfriends. That doesn’t mean that it will turn into “man bashing”. That’s quite a stereotypical view of women. We can’t even go out together without being accused of “man bashing”.

    I am tired of women who are coupled, and women who are “comfortable” being single and “over” Valentine’s Day jumping down the throats of women who are having a hard time of it. Let’s just be real for a second. The big V Day is important to most couples. Couples tend to do something with each other/for each other to acknowledge the day. It get plastered all over FB, IG, Twitter, and God knows where else. And when some of us unhappily single people see all that, it increases the unhappily single feeling ten fold. And yes, I am speaking partially for myself. Some of us need articles and blogs that highlight ways I can spend the holiday focusing on me, and ideas to do things that may make me happy on that day. It’s supportive to hear from other women that may also be feeling a little lonely on that day, and helpful for us to talk about it. Not “man bashing” just girl talk.

    So quit telling everyone “it’s not a big deal” as if just hearing that makes it better for people who are truly lonely and missing that feeling of having a significant other. Stop telling people “oh, just treat it like it’s any other day” when it’s not. Let people stew in their feelings if they need to. If you don’t like to read about people getting “all in their feelings” about Valentine’s Day, don’t click on the article. Just like I avoid FB and IG at all costs the week of Valentine’s day, maybe some should avoid websites and blogs and give advice to singles who struggle with being single on this day. Telling people how they “should” feel and “it’s not that serious” is not helpful to anyone.